FREDONIA, N.Y. -- As the four members of Fredonia's 4x400-meter women's relay team gathered to take pictures for this article on a Tuesday evening, Laura Morrison (Wethersfield, Conn. / Wethersfield) was still jogging around the hallway. She had just gotten out of track and field practice and wasn't quite ready to sit down for photographs. 

"I just need to finish my cool-down run," she said with a subtle smile, knowing that the reluctance to give up her five-minute post-training run just this once would seem excessive to an outsider like me. But her teammates looked on with understanding, seeming to know how necessary those five minutes were. 

Morrison is part of the four-woman relay team with senior Kim Foltz (Elbridge, N.Y. / Jordan-Elbridge), junior Anna Dambacher (Divernon, Ill. / Auburn), and freshman Brittany Feldman (Jamestown, N.Y. / Southwestern). They hold 12 Fredonia track and field records between them and are currently ranked No. 23 in the country in their event. While these women exude a certain level of confidence, I was surprised to hear them speak of the hidden insecurities and anxieties they all feel. Morrison's insistence on completing her run now seemed like a way of diminishing any doubt in her mind that she'd done everything she could to prepare.

I wanted to know how these runners, some of the fastest in NCAA Division III, cope with the anxiety of high-level competition.
 
Ryan Maloney: Do you all experience anxiety in competition?
 
All simultaneously: Yes
 
RM: Because I would think that given all your accomplishments, you're some of the most confident people on this campus. The idea for this interview first started in my mind once when Kim and I were talking. Kim, what surprised me was that you were so willing to talk about some very personal things, and I was struck when you described yourself as "mentally weak." You were just so willing to say it, as if it were written on your forehead. Can you talk about that?
 
Kim Foltz: Yeah, that's something I've struggled with for a really long time, even back in high school. As far as track goes, I was always the girl who would go straight to the back of a race and then try to work my way forward. But that doesn't really work at the collegiate level.
 
RM: Why do you do that?
 
KF: I'm afraid of dying in a race. It's my biggest fear. That would be my biggest idea of failure, going out too hard…
 
RM: Wait, literally dying?
 
Brittany Feldman: (laughing) Wait, wait, no… like, getting really tired…
 
Anna Dambacher: (laughing) Not literally dying, but you wonder, "How am I going to get to this finish line?"
 
KF: Yeah, not actually dying, but getting so tired that you can't finish the race. I'm afraid of going out too hard and not having enough steam left to finish. For me it's difficult to get out hard, especially in the shorter races like the 400 or 800. In track it's more pressure. It puts a lot of stress on me and I get really anxious. Starting races is a huge source of anxiety for me because I'm so nervous that if I don't get out I feel like my whole race is ruined.

 RM: My experience with female athletes is that most seem to be very scared of failure. You're all in a sport where not only can you fail, but you do fail all the time. How do you deal with your own mind in that way?
 
AD: It takes me a couple hours after a meet on the drive home to focus on the things that I did wrong and try to remedy and fix them, then get over it, let it go, and leave it on the track. You have to let it go. If you hold onto it, it stays with you and it'll make you fail again and again.
 
Laura Morrison: Going off of that, I think the same way that yes you can see it as a failure but if you learn something from it I always think of it as a good experience. Going to nationals I certainly would have hoped for a better race. Even if (that race) was a failure I still learned something from it.

RM: Can you talk about what happened at nationals? (Morrison competed at NCAA Indoor Track & Field Championships in the 800-meter run in March.)
 
LM: I took the lead early, and I just doubted myself and didn't think I should have been up in the lead. I just slowed down, got boxed in, and gave up towards the end of the race, which I regret doing. But I learned a lot from it.
 
RM: But the doubts and anxiety troubles are still mind-boggling to me because you're such great athletes. Brittany, I remember at SUNYAC's seeing you in tears after you ran the 400.
 
BF: Yeah, I went into SUNYAC's very confident. I was trying to get a better time because I really wanted to go to nationals, but when we went in on the second day I saw that finals for the 400 and high jump were both at 1 p.m. and I freaked out. I freaked myself out and from the beginning of the day I was dreading running the 400.
 
RM: Why though? Just knowing they're both at the same time?
 
BF: Just knowing they were both at the same time. I was in a heat with the two Buff. State girls who were both running faster than me. That's what stresses me out. Getting to a race I look around and think, "Wow, these girls are really strong," and then I start to doubt myself. So that's what happened, and I ran a really bad race. I didn't do any of the technique I learned and I didn't execute the race well at all. Even before the race I knew it was going to happen. I went into high jump and didn't do as well as I wanted to and things just went downhill. And it all started when I realized the two events were at the same time.
 
RM: It's such a difference than when you broke Anna's record in Boston. (Feldman set a new school-record in the 400-meter run in Boston, Mass. in February).
 
AD: Yeah! That was awesome.
 
BF: (laughs) Yeah, see that was a good feeling.
 
RM: So what's the difference between that race and SUNYAC's?
 
BF: Being a runner, your mood has to be great that day. If you're down just a little bit your race is going to be off. No matter what, your starts are going to be bad and your self-esteem will go down as soon as you step on the track. In Boston I was so excited and I was leading after the first lap. At SUNYAC's I was in last after the first lap and I just kind of gave up.
 
LM: I think the atmosphere plays a large part in it too. At Boston you see people from other SUNYAC schools and are excited to see them. At SUNYAC's you're

 fending for your own and you'd better beat the other person. At Boston everyone's just there to run a good time.
 
RM: One thing that I'm hearing is that Boston sounds very relaxed in some way.
 
AD: There's something about it, yeah.
 
RM: In terms of competition?
 
AD: No. That's the thing, I think it's because the competition is so intense that you're trying to focus on yourself and being your best self instead of trying to win. There're just so many people who are insanely good that you're like, "Okay, this is about me, this is about what I can do and not about beating anyone in the SUNYAC." SUNYAC's is a lot of pressure because the coaches expect a certain amount of points from you for the team.
 
LM: It's kind of stressful.
 
RM: And is that helpful or harmful to you?
 
AD: It's kind of both. You're thinking, "I really want to do this for my team," but at the same time you're like, "Oh my gosh, I have to do this for my team," and that pressure almost makes it impossible to. Once you feel like you have to, you can't. When you don't have all that pressure I think helps you  run better.
 
BF: To me, it's almost like, if I don't do this I'm going to let (my team) down and it's going to be horrible. I don't ever want to let my coach or team down, so I have to do it.
 
AD: Disappointing Q (sprints coach Justin McQuality) is horrible for us. (Excerpt from the interview as the athletes talk about McQuality)
 

RM: It's always surprising to me when female athletes want so badly to please their coach. They always seem to want to do it for the coach.
 
AD: Exactly. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it for my coach and not for myself.
 
RM: So that mindset you all seemed to have when you were in Boston…  how do you create that in your mind wherever you go? Isn't that the goal?
 
AD: The way to create the atmosphere from Boston is to keep getting better. That's it. Once you have confidence and you feel really good it's easier to build off of. Now the things we struggle with seem easier and you're just focusing on the bigger picture and it becomes easier to execute. The pressure comes off and you actually get to enjoy it.
 
RM: Kim, going back to our conversation this year, I remember you also told me that you don't like running. Here's this athlete who holds school records in running, and you don't even like it. This question is for all of you: Do you like running?
 
(Three nos and one yes)

AD: I like winning. The best part about running is when you PR or break a record. That's what makes it worth it. The running part sucks. There's nothing fun about running. The training is horrible. The winning is what makes it worth it.

BF: It depends on the day but usually I love running. Like Anna said, when you win a race or get a best time it makes it all worth it. But then there are days when I hate it. Running makes my body hurt. I just got shin splints and was out for three weeks. But when I was out I missed it. I don't know who I would be without track. It's a love-hate relationship.
 
LM: Track meets are like your reward for all your training. I think it was Coach Julez (Julia Williamson) who said at SUNYAC's that this is your cake at the end of all the training. There were days leading up to it where my legs felt like bricks and I thought to myself, "Why am I doing this?" But then you get to meets, and you remember why you do it.
 
RM: Lastly, what are each of your goals for the rest of the year?
 
LM: Individually, I would really like to qualify for nationals again in the 800. It would be fun to go to nationals in the 4x400, too.
 
KF: I think we have a shot at going to nationals in the 4x400 but we'll have to drop (in time) quite a bit. I would like to make it to nationals because I'm a senior and it's my last year. Either in the 4x400 or as an individual in the 800 would be awesome.

 
BF: I'd love to make it to nationals in the 4x400. I don't want to jinx myself but I'd love to get to nationals in the 400, too. My best time right now is 57.9 and to be safe I think I'd need a 57.2 or 57.3, which would be awesome.
 
AD: 4x400 is going to nationals. It is. I just love relays. Individually, my goal is to get it back together. Indoor didn't go so hot this year. I didn't even come close to the times I wanted. For outdoor I'd love to touch my PR's again, or come close. Running an 11.9 in the 100 has always been a dream of mine and if I can come close to getting in the 24's in the 200 again that would be great.

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Since the writing of this article, the 4x400-relay team broke the school record... twice. They first took down the record at Bucknell on April 10 with a time of 3:57.96, then got two seconds faster the following weekend in Cortland with a time of 3:56.05. They stand at No. 23 in the country.

Morrison ran a 2:12.35 in the 800-meter run at Bucknell, which puts her at No. 10 in the country and will likely earn her a trip to NCAA Outdoor Track and Field Championships. Feldman set a new school record in the outdoor 400-meter run (58.38) at the same meet and will look to crack the national rankings at SUNYAC championships in Brockport on May 1.